Message From the Director

A Message from the Director
To Parents of UCSB Students

Congratulations for the exciting achievement of seeing your son or daughter in college, and particularly at UCSB! I welcome you and your family to the UCSB family. This is an exciting time of change and development for your student. I look forward to working with you and your students to insure these as years of rich growth and further achievement.

College is a wonderful time but can be stressful as well. Transitions are hard. Your son or daughter will be faced with the challenges of living away from home, meeting new friends and making the most of UCSB’s educational opportunities, all at the same time. In addition, your student will make decisions that are of more and more importance. As you do, we want your student to develop trust and confidence in making important decisions. Your son or daughter will have varying degrees of expectations about independence and autonomy, depending on your family structure, culture and background. Research shows that a student’s confidence is enhanced by a perception of support from home. Family support helps a student stay in school and thrive.

So, family support is very important, even as the student is striving to be independent. This might mean supporting your daughter to stay at UCSB for the weekend even though you feel you need her help at home. Support certainly means letting your student know you love and accept him when you disagree with his academic or life choices. In my experience, some of the most difficult decisions arise around the student’s choice of major. If that issues presents itself in your family, remember to keep breathing, be respectful, and we are here to help. Demonstrating your love and respect during times of disagreement nurtures your student’s self respect and confidence: important life tools for his or her growing autonomy as an adult.

Some other ways to support your student are listed below. These are just suggestions but they might provide you with ideas you haven’t considered.

• Ask the student what s/he is doing rather than how. It is a subtle difference that conveys your interest without sounding evaluative. We do plenty of testing and evaluation here in classes.
  
• Lots of positive contact from home is always welcome. Consider emails, sending a care package, or current pictures of siblings, old photos from a family vacation or favorite places and people.
  
• Students often think they should be studying all the time they are not in class. That often leads to a huge amount of wasted time that mentally gets counted as “studying.” One of the surprising findings is that students who work (less than 20 hours a week) do better in school and are more likely to prioritize their time more effectively. If your student seems to be “spinning her/his wheels” – encourage creative and productive outlets away from the books.
  
• We know the more students use the resources of the university the more likely they are to persist through the hard times and be successful in their next transition to graduate school or to work. Encourage your student to meet the staff working in the service units at UCSB. Get them to use the faculty and TAs during office hours.
  
• Being part of the university life and campus community is very important to developing self-confidence about education. Students who make strong connections with student groups, activities and faculty or staff are more likely to be successful and stay in school. You might consider encouraging your student to get connected here and not be on the road home too often. Connecting on campus means being here over weekends and attending activities that may not look academic, but mean a great deal in the bigger scheme of things. Hearing an expert in a field, attending cultural activities and joining in volunteer action are ways for students to extend their potential for their future.
  

I invite your student to make use of the Stress Management Office, which includes peer counseling, and the ever popular massage chair and “egg” chair. We also offer a Test Anxiety program, which is individualized to address specific needs.

Perhaps this time is triggering nostalgic memories of your own years of early adulthood. Or you may be wondering where the time has gone since your college student was a toddler. Your son or daughter is wondering why it took so long to turn 18! Share this time, enjoy their development into adulthood, be conscious of your changing roles, remind them and yourselves that time is precious, and these college years, especially, are irreplaceable.

Jeanne Stanford, Ph.D.
Director, Counseling Services
Counseling Services